"I know what I know / Could not fill a thimble."

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

31 Weeks Pregnant

When you are a thin/small person (normally 105 pounds) a lot of people don't realize that you are really uncomfortable at this stage of pregnancy. I keep getting people saying, "You don't even look pregnant" which is laughable to me, since I have gained 30 pounds already.
Mostly I just feel tired, really out of it, and unmotivated to do much (at work or home.) I get some energy spurts, but for the most part I feel pretty tired. The wierd thing is that when I go to lay down (thinking I will fall asleep immediatly) I just lay there...mind still working, but body just disabled.
I have been reading this morning about what labor feels like and other people's experience at 31 weeks. I just don't know how women do it who have kids!
I feel like a wimp a lot of the time and hope this doesn't carry over into my delivery. I want to be strong and do my best to try to make it through birth with very few drugs.
Since this is my first pregnancy, I really have no idea how having a baby boy is going to change my life. Everyone is telling my their stories about sleepless nights, no time for yourself, being contstantly covered in baby-fluids, etc.
I can't wait to meet our little baby boy...but it's just difficult to imagine! This is one of the biggest adventures yet.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Taking Life Inventory

I believe this time of year always puts me in a funk about my purpose in life, whether I am fulfilling it, what goals I need to set for myself, and where I am at. (I know...most people do this at the New Year, but for whatever the reason, I wait until mid-March.)
This last year has definitely been an answer to prayer in many ways. Firstly, I got pregnant, which took a while, but I trust God had a reason for us waiting. Secondly, we were able to take an amazing vacation to Costa Rica in August. This was a refreshing time and it was so nice to be away and in a place we didn't know. I love adventure! This last year was a great marriage year. After being married 6, going on 7 years, I love my husband more every day and am so thankful for many things that make him an amazing spouse and friend.
So, what do I need to change? What things are nagging at my soul? Some of the things that I really enjoy (like spending time in the outdoors, looking closely at plants, developing my art, etc) most often get pushed aside so that I can watch who got voted off of 'American Idol.' I really despise this and feel that I lose out on what brings me true pleasure when I settle for things like sitting in front of the TV.
I also don't think I am pushing myself to be better in areas of work, career, serving other, etc. I have become very stagnant and often time feel pretty selfish. This is not the person I want to be. I one time heard a quote, "The best way to help others is to get your eyes off yourself." I think this is something I need to take to heart.
Often times I get gripped by fear of the future or fear of the details involved with a specific project. That fear paralyzes me and doesn't allow me to step out and do greater things.
Anyway, I want to break that fear and realize my full potential. I want to set bigger, grander goals for myself. I want to be a good example to the son I am about to give birth to on how to be strong and work hard for things in life.
I do not want to settle for mediocre.
Just some thoughts. I hope others can relate.